Happy New Year’s resolution

As another year passes it’s time to reflect on the year that was – 2011.  A significant year in my life because nine days into it, I turned 50.

O.M.G 50!  Surely I’m not that old?

Anyway, my 50th year on this earth started with a 60s theme party with family and friends.  I was fit and healthy and I looked pretty good for an old bird.  I was having an extended break from work and I was looking forward to the year ahead – 2011.

As it turned out 2011 wasn’t my finest year. Looking back it may have been a negative response to turning 50 not helped by a couple of health issues brought to my attention only days after my birthday, nothing bad I should add and nothing to do with getting old.

I’ve always prided myself on being fit and healthy so I wasn’t expecting health issues to pop up for quite a long time so when a blood test highlighted a possible hyperparathyroid problem my reaction was over-the-top and one year on after numerous tests for all manner of possible ailments my health paranoias have been laid to rest.  The end result is there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with me – physically that is.  However, I can’t speak for my mental state but I now look forward to getting on with my life and living every moment doing what makes me relatively happy,  as one can be.

Bring on 2012!

So now it’s time to make some serious changes to my life.  Firstly, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s about time I make my first new year’s resolution after many years of avoiding them.  Maybe I’ll make several new year resolutions.  In fact I should make several lifetime resolutions, but let’s not get ahead of one self.

Maybe I’ll just start with a few new year resolutions.

Generally I don’t make them because by midday of the next day I’ve either forgotten I’ve made any or I think of excuses not to follow through,  so deciding on some resolutions I’ve got  the slightest chance to stick to will be the first hurdle to get over.  After that,  the second hurdle will be sticking to them past midday.

I realise I’m a little late with my resolutions so I’ve decided to start them from Monday 9th January 2012 – my 51st birthday.

O.M.G. I still can’t get over the fact I’m turning 51!

Anyway, I’ve been off work for a couple of weeks and in that time I’ve had very little interaction with the outside world. I’ve spent my time with the most important people in my life – my family and my very best friend – Me!

Spending time with Me has given Me the opportunity to reflect on the past year which has helped me come up with my 2012 resolutions.  I can’t contemplate making the stock standard resolutions such as losing weight, being nicer or helping others etc. My priority is to make resolutions that I feel comfortable with, to ensure I’m living every minute on my terms and the only people I’m accountable to are my family.

Here they are:

  • I’m not going to try and please everyone because on the most part, it doesn’t please Me.
  • I’m not young any more, so I’m not going to try and pretend I am. It wasn’t all that when I was.
  • It’s exhausting being funny and likeable – I’m tired!
  • Family comes first, everyone else a poor second because they won’t wipe my arse when I need it later on.
  • Other’s can bring you down, only Me can bring me up.
  • No one can change my life, it’s up to Me!
  • Silence is golden – so I’ll shut up!

So there you have them, my new year resolutions.  To sum up:  I guess I’m going to spend more time on my own or with my family. I’ll do what pleases me. I’ll live with no fanfare or funny antidotes to impart. I am the master of my destiny and I’ll do it in my time by myself.

On the other hand, I might forget them by lunch time on the 9th January or find excuses not to follow through – time will tell!

Happy New year!

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OMG, I have MAD

It’s becoming noticeable lately that something is happening to me. I’m becoming more forgetful, my eyesight’s going and when I look sideways in the mirror or see side-on pictures of myself, I have to do a re-take because what I see shocks me – double chin, roman nose (not new but still shocks me). Then there is the run lines down my cleavage and my hands appear to be shrivelling up.

OMG, I have MAD

What is MAD? you ask.  MAD or Mature Age Disease as it’s better known, is a disease men and woman become infected with and symptoms start showing around the age of 42, sometimes earlier.  Predominately women get MAD and as my scientific evidence suggests, men contribute significantly to the women contacting an advanced form of MAD. But don’t google ‘Middle Age Disease”, you’ll get lots of information about Medieval Disease which were probably around when we were babies – according to my children anyway.

To explain how I know I’ve got MAD, I’ve outlined some of the classic signs with real life examples:

Failing eyesight

Me:  “Look over there, someone’s left fresh flowers”.
MOTH: “They’re plastic”.

20 minutes later I spot a sign…

Me: “Oh look a complimentary lounge”
MOTH: “It’s a Condolence Lounge”
MOTH: “This just gets better.”





Walking along the river’s edge just on dusk…

Me: “Look at those two helicopters side by side following the river”.
MOTH:  “It’s a plane”

Dinner at Japanese restaurant…(new addition)

Me: “Is that a big eel they just served up at that table?”
MOTH: Straining to see the table across the room.
MOTH: “I hope you’re not referring to the tongs that was on that platter so they can server out their meal?”
Me: “Maybe!”

Losing my memory

Me: “How do you spell Christopher”? I sung out thinking MOTH was nearby.
Lady: “C H R I S T O P H E R”
Me thinking: How could I forget how to spell my brother’s name.
Me: “Thank you”.

After numerous emails between my girlfriends planning our next movie night…

Me: “What night are we going to the movies”?
GF: “Are you serious?”
Me: “Yeah”.

Sunday morning text message to GF who have organised an outing I wasn’t sure if I’d go until the morning.

Me: “What time are you going to Paddington this morning?”
GF: “WTF? we’re not going to Paddington until next Saturday. Today we’re going to Watsons Bay.”
Me: “What eva, all the same.  So what time we meeting to go to Watsons Bay?”

A few hours later at Watsons Bay…..

GF: “Is it OK if I get ready to go out next Friday night at your place?”
ME:  “Yes sure, where are you going?”
GF:  “WTF, we’re going to a Cuban Restaurant next Friday night. There’s only been 100 emails going around about it.”
Me: “Yeah, I was just testing you.”
Me thinking:  I think I better retake that dementure quiz the Dr gave me last week.

Unfortunately I could go on with a long list of similar tales but I’ve forgotten most.

50 up

2011 heralded in my 50th Birthday year and I have to say I’m not terribly happy about it. Turning 50 means I’m more than half-way through my life and my childhood doesn’t seem that long ago.

For me turning 50 also means I’ve well and truly started to lose my youthful appearance.  My eyes have started to look like bullet holes in a shattered pane of glass.  The folds on each side of my mouth are drawing in towards my mouth. And my neck is taking on the appearance of a Shar-Pei dog.

Turning grey started when I was much younger so I’ve came to terms with that long ago. My stomach was ruined during pregnancy and child birth so that too I’ve learnt to live with.  Losing weight has become impossible – not helped by my love of good wine.  To make matters that much worse, so far this year I’ve had 5 x-rays, 2 scans, 4 blood test and soon I’ll have a hand operation – and it’s only April.

I’ve just been diagnosed with hyperparathoidism causing high blood pressure, headaches, stomach cramps, confusion and sleeplessness all easily fixed by an operation if they could only see which one of the little suckers are causing the problem.

Conversations with my age-like friends are starting to resemble a Dr’s conference for the old and decrepit.  A disabled car sticker is surely around the corner.

They say that 50 is the new 40 and 40 is the new 30.  So how come I feel about 60?