It’s becoming noticeable lately that something is happening to me. I’m becoming more forgetful, my eyesight’s going and when I look sideways in the mirror or see side-on pictures of myself, I have to do a re-take because what I see shocks me – double chin, roman nose (not new but still shocks me). Then there is the run lines down my cleavage and my hands appear to be shrivelling up.
OMG, I have MAD
What is MAD? you ask. MAD or Mature Age Disease as it’s better known, is a disease men and woman become infected with and symptoms start showing around the age of 42, sometimes earlier. Predominately women get MAD and as my scientific evidence suggests, men contribute significantly to the women contacting an advanced form of MAD. But don’t google ‘Middle Age Disease”, you’ll get lots of information about Medieval Disease which were probably around when we were babies – according to my children anyway.
To explain how I know I’ve got MAD, I’ve outlined some of the classic signs with real life examples:
Me: “Look over there, someone’s left fresh flowers”.
MOTH: “They’re plastic”.
20 minutes later I spot a sign…
Me: “Oh look a complimentary lounge”
MOTH: “It’s a Condolence Lounge”
MOTH: “This just gets better.”
Walking along the river’s edge just on dusk…
Me: “Look at those two helicopters side by side following the river”.
MOTH: “It’s a plane”
Dinner at Japanese restaurant…(new addition)
Me: “Is that a big eel they just served up at that table?”
MOTH: Straining to see the table across the room.
MOTH: “I hope you’re not referring to the tongs that was on that platter so they can server out their meal?”
Losing my memory
Me: “How do you spell Christopher”? I sung out thinking MOTH was nearby.
Lady: “C H R I S T O P H E R”
Me thinking: How could I forget how to spell my brother’s name.
Me: “Thank you”.
After numerous emails between my girlfriends planning our next movie night…
Me: “What night are we going to the movies”?
GF: “Are you serious?”
Sunday morning text message to GF who have organised an outing I wasn’t sure if I’d go until the morning.
Me: “What time are you going to Paddington this morning?”
GF: “WTF? we’re not going to Paddington until next Saturday. Today we’re going to Watsons Bay.”
Me: “What eva, all the same. So what time we meeting to go to Watsons Bay?”
A few hours later at Watsons Bay…..
GF: “Is it OK if I get ready to go out next Friday night at your place?”
ME: “Yes sure, where are you going?”
GF: “WTF, we’re going to a Cuban Restaurant next Friday night. There’s only been 100 emails going around about it.”
Me: “Yeah, I was just testing you.”
Me thinking: I think I better retake that dementure quiz the Dr gave me last week.
Unfortunately I could go on with a long list of similar tales but I’ve forgotten most.