I know it must have been a surprise to learn you have a secret half-sibling and I realise you must have many questions that will go unanswered because our parent is not here to answer them. “Why didn’t I know?” “Why didn’t they tell me? ” “Why didn’t someone tell me?” would be going through your mind. Your life was going along just fine until now where this stranger turns up and blows it apart. Everything you thought you knew, you didn’t. Your parent had a whole secret life that you didn’t know about and you question whether you knew them at all.
I get it!
What I don’t get is why you won’t reach out to me. I too am an unwilling character in this story. I was a wee baby with no voice and not asked what I need or want. To be blunt I was the one abandoned by our parent not you so why are you taking it out on me? I’m not harbouring any animosity for being given up for adoption, I too had a wonderful family who brought me up and I miss them with all my heart but I was on loan to them because they wanted to love and nurture a baby and I just so happen to be available at that time.
You might ask from ignorance “why is she bothering with a family she doesn’t know?” “why is she turning up now and causing all this turmoil?”, “Why doesn’t she go away and leave us alone?”
Most adoptees will tell you that they grow up either knowing they are adopted or like me they didn’t know. Finding out blew my world apart. “Why didn’t I know?” “Why didn’t they tell me?” “Why didn’t someone tell me?”. Same questions. The difference being is as soon as I knew I began to search for my true roots. “Who are the people that made me?” “Why didn’t they keep me?” “Where are they?” and after 10, 20 and 30 years “Why haven’t they come looking for me?”.
I had a passion to find my birth family and a unrealistic notion that if they are anything like me, they’d accept me with open hearts and open arms even though I had read on almost a daily basis adoptees being shunned by birth family and I just don’t get it. I just don’t get it and I never will!
Before you close your heart and arms forever just give me a chance. I’m a good person, a loving caring person, just ask my family and my friends. I’m not a trouble maker, I’ve never hurt anyone intentionally and I’m kinda funny, at least my grandkids think so and my best friend Karen. Although I think she is funnier, but don’t tell her I said that.
If you’re worried that I’m going to teleport myself into your life whether you want me or not, don’t be afraid as I’m a busy working women with 3 adult needy kids and 3 grandchildren that I need to see on a regular basis because I want them to grow up with wonderful memories of me like I do of my grandmothers.
So what do I want?
Acceptance, that’s all any adoptee wants. Someone to say “hello sister”, “I’m glad we finally get to meet”. Then you can go about your life as is was, albeit with the odd email or phone call to say “hello, how are you?”.
This has been a 32 year search and I know I should be happy that I found and I know I’ve had 32 years to dream about this moment but I never once questioned that my family wouldn’t accept me and I guess that was naive notion. I just ask you to consider getting to know me because I really think you’d like me!
Your half-sister with a full heart
I was a wee baby with no ability to say
Don’t give me away Mummy, I want you to stay
Please watch me grow to be clever and strong
And I’ll look after you when life does you wrong
Please keep me Mummy, I want to know you
And not meet one day through a camera lens view