When a mother isn’t a mother

For those of you who know me well you know I started searching for information about my biological parents almost 30 years ago. Well this may come as a surprise to you but my search has come to an end and you wouldn’t be foolish to think that maybe I’ve found something about them that would end my search.  But you’d be wrong, you see it’s through searching for my brother’s biological family that has turned me off the whole search.  I found his biological mother, I even spoke to her and what has transpired is rejection.

I can’t help but ask, what type of woman could reject a son she gave away because of circumstances at the time?

What type of woman can not be intrigued by how her son turned out?
What type of woman can tell her son she doesn’t want to know him?
What type of women is she?

I can tell you she doesn’t deserve to be anyone’s mother. If she can cast aside her own flesh and blood – well, I feel sorry for the children she conceived since.  What if they were born under the same circumstances?  They too would be rejected. Something that would have to play on their minds.

She is weak. She is a coward. She is worthless.

It’s not in human nature for a woman to be so cold towards a child she conceived. Even animals love and nurture their babies.

I know I’m sounding bitter towards ‘this’ woman, if I can call her that, but she has cast my brother aside and I won’t have any of it.

Adoptees looking for their biological family don’t want to replace the family they were brought up in. And my brother will only ever acknowledge the Mum and dad that brought him up as his parents and I am the only sister he has and will ever have.  Finding your biological family is about finding your roots, your ancestry. The DNA component that make up a human being.

No one can replace the environmental influence and luckily for my brother and I, we won the environmental jack pot with our adopted family.

But adoptees expect that when we find our biological family, there will be acceptance and rejoice.  Well at least that’s what I always expected.  And I wouldn’t have thought any different for my brother.  It’s always been my philosophy that if I’m a good person, why would I expect any different for the people who bought me into the world.

But clearly I am living in lala land. So now I can’t help but feel my 30 year search may very well result in finding another ‘woman’ like my brother’s biological mother. And the very thought of wasting all that time and effort would be devastating.  Luckily for my brother it was my time and effort wasted over four hours one Monday night when I found her.  Clearly four hours wasted on an undeserving human being.  And to rub salt into the wounds, she refuses to divulge who the father is.

What if the father would accept my brother with open arms?

How dare she keep this information from him. How dare she think she is the owner of that information that clearly has no baring on her existence. It makes my blood boil.  All I can say is that my brother’s good nature must be inherited from the biological father he’ll never know.

So there you have it. The reason I’ve come full circle. The reason I’ve accepted that I’ll never know. The reason my search is over.


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