After laying in bed for a short time the other night, I decided to get up and see what was on TV. At midnight there is usually very little choice. The Foxtel menu listed a show on SBS (or maybe it was ABC) called ‘Who’s your Daddy?’. The title suggested it was a Jerry Springer equivalent. I was wrong.
The show was already into the 20th minute of an hour long episode. It was about 4 English people who had just found out that the man they know as Dad, may not be their biological father. Of course this interested me instantly being an adoptee myself.
Two of the four were brothers, aged about 16 and 18 and they had only been told that they were the result of a sperm donor. The catch was that there were several sperm donors, one being the father that bought them up and another unknown donor and it wasn’t known as to whose sperm fertilized the mother’s egg. As I missed the first 20 minutes of the show I wasn’t sure why the father donated sperm; wouldn’t that suggest he was capable of impregnating his wife, the biological mother?
After an agonising wait and interviews with all affected parties, the boys being my concern, found out the father that brought them up was ‘not’ their biological father.
I felt so sorry for them. Life as they knew it has changed forever. I knew there and then they began to question their own identies.
I was totally pissed at the parents who were so intent on having a child they decided to play Russion Roulette with sperm with no regard for how this would affect the children. To make matters worse, they choose not to tell the boys until they were teenages, making life for the boys until that point in time just one big fat lie.
What angered me further was seeing the mother plead that the boys were ‘special’, ‘wanted’, and ‘loved unconditionaly’. She was clearly scared she had lost the love and trust of the boys. And it was clear from the boys, trust was certainly lost. It was at this time I realised the boys and I shared common feelings – uncertainy about the past and the life jouney ahead.
One of the boys repose to the mothers pleading was; how special can one feel when one party involved in his creation wanked into a tube in order to get some money to get himself through uni? Thankfully that’s wasn’t the case with my creation which probably was the result of an aging (40 yo) man being attracted by a younger (24 yo) women and lust taking over.
My conculsion to all this is that sperm donation should only be allowed if you know the doner and he is preparted to be a father in some way that is 100% acceptable by the child.
Playing ‘pick a sperm’ may get you a kid but that kid may end up damaged goods and we all know that’s not what the desperate parents want, now is it!