True friends tell how it is

Do you ever find yourself in a situation where you feel that someone should be warned that they look foolish, which may possibly result in them being ridiculed?  It’s these times, which I’ll explain in this blog, that I rely on my friends’ openness and honesty to alleviate the possibility of  me being ridiculed.  True friends tell how it is, not what you want to hear.  That’s my friendship oath and I expect little else in return.

For example, just the other day I was sitting on a bus waiting to be taken to the shopping centre during my lunch hour. As the bus driver began to close the door a woman appeared from the building exit, she was running towards the bus waving her hands so the driver would notice her and stop, which he did.  When the woman reached the bus she turned to hurry her ‘friend’ along.  I say ‘friend’ in inverted commas because as this story unfolds, you, like me, will wonder if this women is a “true friend”.

When the first woman called back to the second woman – all eyes on the bus diverted to the second woman.  After all we were all keen to get going. It was our lunch ‘hour’ and we all know you can’t get a lot of shopping done in one hour.  Anyway, as my eyes focused on the second woman it was very clear that her size was going to impact her ability to get to the bus at record speed. By the time she reached the bus she was out of breath and the passengers were glad that finally, we were on our way.

The shuffled dash was only about 10 meters, so I’m talking about a very large woman. And what drew my attention was the sheer size of her belly.  Now it’s not a good look that a woman has a belly so big the weight draws it down towards her knees,  but what made this sight all the more appalling was the fact that she was wearing black pants (no that wasn’t the bad part) with a lose T-shirt (still not the bad part) that barely passed her waist and did nothing to cover the drooping belly which was tucked into her black pants (we’re getting warmer).  Now for the disturbing part (here we are) – her pants didn’t have a zipper but a front seam which was pulled so tight it created a camel toe affect with the women’s belly.

O.M.G how the hell didn’t she notice this catastrophe in the mirror before she left home?

Now it’s probably about his time you may think I’m a bitch for telling this story.  But it wasn’t the fact that she is a large woman with inappropriate clothing that disturbed me, it was the fact that there’s a distinct possibility that this woman hasn’t been warned about her inappropriate clothing choice. Which leads me to ask – has she got any friends? If so, why don’t they tell her she needs to cover up or face ridicule?

As I sat on the bus for the 15 minute ride to the shopping centre, the two women chatted away about work and their Easter plans. No mention from the other woman that maybe her T-shirt choice for that day was totally unacceptable.   I was hoping that the large woman could get through the one hour shopping trip without a smart arse kid making fun, which I’m sure would be the case quite often – you know how kids can be little bastards in these situations.  So I felt rather sorry for her, after all we shouldn’t assume she’s large because she can’t resist foods such as the ‘double-down from KFC’ – which I find rather appalling by the way. Maybe she has a thyroid issue?

Anyway, this scene got me thinking about my friendships, how I treat my friends and how I want them to treat me.

Now I maybe way off in saying that, for the most-part, I’m a kind loving person who goes out of my way to help and encourage my friends.  But, I can also be charged with telling them exactly how I think – for better or worse.  But to me, that’s what friends are for. Of course this also applies to my family, especially my kids and especially my daughter.

The level of truth and bluntness I give is reliant on the level of friendship.  The blunter I am, the better the friendship. If coupled with sarcastic humour, then we’re great friends. For example: If a very good friend asks my opinion of their clothing choice, my reply would be:  “Really, that was your choice this morning?  Take it off before anyone sees me talking to you dressed like that”.

On the flip side, if someone I don’t like asks for my opinion then my evil twin appears. For example; if asked  “Do I look good in this?”  My reply would be:  “Oh yes, red and green look great together, especially on you”.

As I mentioned earlier, I also apply my friendship rules to my family, especially my daughter. For example, I distinctly remember telling her when she was a teenager, the shoes she was wearing at the time made her feet look deformed and fat, and there’s nothing worse than fat feet – wait on, there is something far worse than fat feet and that’s a huge belly with camel toe. Of course she didn’t agree at the time but she hasn’t worn that style of shoe since – I’m still waiting on a thanks.

I expect the same level of honesty from my friends.  I remember one particular mufti Friday when I wore a loose fitting cream silky shirt with a u-shaped hem falling substantially at the back; I do wear a lot of clothes with differing hem lengths.  Anyway, on this particular day my friend ask me, while we were on our way to get a coffee, if I drove to work or dropped out of an aeroplane, indicating that my top looked more like a parachute. Damn, I liked that top and now I can’t wear it again – but I have my good friend to thank because I would have happily worn this top again not realising it looked ridiculous.

Now getting back to our camel toe friend (poor dear); if she was my friend, I’d certainly tell her something along the lines of:  “Do you think that you should wear that short top, because people will stare at you like you’re a road accident – they know they shouldn’t look but they can’t help it because it’s human nature to look at the grotesque?”

I guess I can only hope and wish, that like me, everyone has true friends to tell them how it really is and not how they wish it was.

Author: Kitty

First and foremost I'm a busy working woman but I'm also a mother, grandmother and mother-in-law. I was brought up in a small country town but I've lived and worked in Sydney for over 20 years. I'm a slack blogger because life and earning a living gets in the way.

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