Kitty for PM

The female radio presenter started her morning show with ‘get up Australia it’s time to go out and get a job’. Excuse me bitch – I’m stuck in traffic at 8am trying to get 14klms to work and hope to get there before 9am where I’ll stay until 6pm then battle the traffic to get home before 7pm. So tell me who’s in bed and who doesn’t work? Because I don’t know many people who aren’t of retirement age who have that luxury.

And given the radio presenter is a career women who lives in Glebe, one of Sydney’s most expensive suburbs, I’m sure as hell she doesn’t know anyone who doesn’t work.

Her references were in response to the Australian Federal Budget handed down this week, in particular the re-training package and other topics of interest such as the Government’s promise to provide pensioners with digital set-top-boxes because the analogue signal will be switched off soon and anyone without a digital TV, won’t be able to watch TV at all. Given the amount of crap on TV, this is hardly a bad thing!

This got me thinking about the policies I would introduce if I was Prime Minister (PM).

Surplus – Do we really need to be in surplus? What large organisation doesn’t borrow money to improve and grow? Name me one householder who’s in surplus?

Ok, so maybe the surplus marginally helped Australia miss a meltdown from the GFC-BABAG (global financial crises brought about by American greed). But were you happy with our Government giving away billions of dollars? And what the hell did they do with the money? According to research 40% spent it, and a damn lot them bought digital TVs. Of course the rich missed out once again.

Rather than giving money, I would have provided digital TVs. That would provide a visual stimulant and save millions from the Government’s current plan on providing digital set-top-boxes to pensioners – killing two birds with one stone.

Training – Using the money saved from not providing digital set-top-boxes, I’d equip universities and training colleges with state of the art equipment. This will support those who WANT to learn and improve their chances of finding good paying jobs. The only incentive I’d provide the unemployed is: get off your arses, go to TAFE or start a Community college course that offers career advancements. Let’s face it, the amount of time wasted on implementing and administering freebie training is a waste of money and I have firsthand experience in this area.

You see a number of years ago I was a computer teacher and I got a gig in a country town to provide computer training to the long term unemployed. They got an incentive of around $100 per fortnight to attend the course which went for 10 weeks. If they skipped more than 3 classes without a Dr’s certificate they were out and their benefit cut off.

O.M.G – were they the biggest frikkin whingers I had ever encountered. I came to the conclusion they didn’t like the fact they actually had to attend the classes once they enrolled.  And I can saftely say, although there was the odd eager student, I could tell from excuses they had for their unemployment status, they really didn’t want to work.

If people want to get training, they will. For goodness sake I called into TAFE one day during an enrolment period not knowing what the hell to do, just knowing I wanted to  improve life for me and my family and the only way to do this was to get educated so I had better work opportunities. The outcome was I enrolled in a full time computer course. The logistics of what I would do with the kids, especially the one that still hadn’t started school – well I figured I’d work something out, and I did.

The end result for me is two TAFE certificates, a Bachelor’s degree, and an Associate Degree, all without one Government benefit or external incentive.  And when I discovered I was too qualified to work in a country town, I moved to Sydney.

If people don’t want to improve their living conditions, then why spend tax payer’s money forcing them to attend training courses they won’t use. I don’t mind that some of my tax money goes to less than 5% of the population that can’t find work, and a small amount of those people just don’t want to work – but I say let them bath in their own poverty – seems to me they enjoy it.

Infrastructure – the millions I’d save by not spending it on training lazy bastards, or providing digital set-top-boxes to pensions (after all they’d already have their digital TVs), I’d spend it on transport. There would be extended railroads, tunnels under congested roadways around Australia’s capitals, except Darwin, Hobart and Perth – let’s face it these so called cities are only large country towns where a traffic jam would only occur on trash pickup days.  The country roads don’t need improving – who the hell goes there anyway?  And by-the-way, no tolls.

Other changes I’d make would be:

Remove the baby bonus – I got fuck all for having three babies so I begrudge anyone else getting it. Besides it was an excuse for the single mothers on benefits to breed like rabbits and get new digital TVs (killing three birds with one stone, see above).

And while I’m on that subject, we can forgive one unintentional pregnancy and therefore provide assistance to a single parent, but for every baby conceived after that and they’re still single and on benefits, they will be penalized by $100 per fortnight per extra baby. Let’s see how many future criminal mongrels will be born on this policy?

So in conclusion my policies would save billions, support those who want to learn, lessen childhood poverty and neglect and provide world class transport. There are so many other changes I would make if I was PM but I’ve provided you with a sample of how things would be run under my Government – so when I stand for PM vote for me. After all I like the sound of:

Prime Minister KityKate